Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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