New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize