Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
