I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
