wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
