she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
