I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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