My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
