You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize