I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
