just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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