I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
