I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
