just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
