I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
