we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
