Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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