just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
