what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
