you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
