I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
