All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
