I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
