you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
