Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize