just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
