My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
