That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
