White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
