how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she told me i tasted like america
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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