I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
