She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
