dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
