I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
