Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
