So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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