he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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