It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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