His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
