i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
