i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
