i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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