I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
