Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
