did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
