Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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