Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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