I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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