One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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