i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The power of my boobs compel you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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