I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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