thus making me awesome and them whores
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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