i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
