theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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