why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i believe in u and ur pee
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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