oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
