Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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