I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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