DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize