I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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