Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I faked an abortion last night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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