Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
