drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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