508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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