please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
