I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
