It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do herpes really smell.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
