I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
