Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize